This is an interesting topic! This is also my first post to this forum. So, Namaste/Vanakkam to all

We have lived in the US for several years. When my elder son turned 6, we decided to head back to India both for our children's \"benefit\" and our parents as well. We thought that our kids were getting quite spoilt here, what with new clothes and shoes and games at their whims and fancies... We thought that the move to India would be good for them.

Boy, were we wrong!

I was able to compare and contrast the behaviours and mannerisms of my son with that of my sibling's, friend's and neighbourhood kids. I thought it was a fairly representative sample, statistically speaking.

Here are some of the observations:

My son listened to everything we had to say.
Local kids obeyed usually under the threat of punishment.

My son was quite respectful to his parents and grandparents.
Local kids seemed to know and think they could get away with bad behaviour against their elders.

My son listened to the teachers at school seriously and attentively.
Local kids were mostly interested in playing.

My son would do his homework as soon as he got home, but sometimes we had to remind him. He would be done by 6 pm.
Local kids needed to be yelled at or bribed with goodies to get them to do their homework which would then be done at 9 or 10 at night.

My son has to take Hindi as a second language, something completely foriegn to him. Even though it was difficult, I was surprised to see him work diligently.
Local kids who had to take Hindi simply refused to spend time on the subject.

My son would go to bed between 8 and 9 pm and wake up at 6 within a few minutes of our asking him to wake up.
Local kids stayed up till 11 or midnight and the job of waking them up in the morning was a sight to behold: It would take upto 1 hour and in between that parents would take a shower, cook breakfast ...

My son would always take his plate to the sink after he's done with his food.
Local kids just walked away.

My son would get his own water or request for it with a \"please\". If we ask him to get his own, he would simply oblige.
Local kids yelled for water like their mother was a maid.

My son never minded taking the local bus or walking to the market or other places.
Local kids would only travel by autos or cars or pillion ride on motorcycles.

... and so on.

Now you may say that my kid could be different. That may be true, but remember, in the US, we felt that he was quite a spoilt brat. My son is just another normal kid and does have his behavioural problems and exasperate us more often than not. But, we have never had to hit him. I don't think my husband or I will ever hit our kids. For local kids, it is a not a normal day if they didn't get a spanking everyday.

Local parents were quite impressed with my son's behaviour that they encouraged their kids to be more like him! Isn't that an irony: Asking the local kids to be more like their American counterpart! Towards the end of the first year, some of the local kids had picked up the habits of my son, much to their parent's satisfaction.

I do find that my son is not getting a good deal on education in India. He is not allowed to ask questions to his teachers and once even got a beating for asking a math question.

These and ohers issues have encouraged us to move back. We are thinking of moving to Canada. Hence I came across this forum. I do not think I will be able to fund my kid's college education in US, so we will move to Canada I shall ask immigration related questions in the other threads.

In the end, it does not matter where you bring your kids up. What really matters are the simple things in life: You love them, treat them with respect, treat them the way you expect them to treat you, be a friend, teach them responsibility and above all, lead by example. Then, the kids will become exemplary citizens whether you bring them up in Burkina Faso or Mars

Thanks for reading,
Thenmozhi

Quote:

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Originally posted by tamilkuravan

Rahul Singh,
This is
what i said :
"Tamil culture is not :
1. father and mother educated professionally and doing labour job."

This differs from what you have understood and stated from me.

TK

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Thenmozhi,
I went through your mail. I donot agree with many of the points said except " A child is instruted to say " please" in the west where as in india, they donot say that. Anyway he is your son and i respect your views. I donot say that it is right or wrong, only that i donot agree with that nor that i have seen it ever in India. However, i have seen many boys in return from america and they be come very reserved in india (mainly due to the fact that the local school population makes fun of them due to their american accent). Anyway, this will happen only if you admit your child to a local school. International schools may be different.
Best wishes on your attempt to immigrate to Canada. May God bless your immigration to canada and hope the transition is seamless and to your liking.
TK

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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.

Confucius

I totally agree with you.

North America is the best place to be.

Quote:

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Originally posted by Confucius

This is an interesting topic! This is also my first post to this forum. So, Namaste/Vanakkam to all

We have lived in the US for several years. When my elder son turned 6, we decided to head back to India both for our children's \"benefit\" and our parents as well. We thought that our kids were getting quite spoilt here, what with new clothes and shoes and games at their whims and fancies... We thought that the move to India would be good for them.

Boy, were we wrong!

I was able to compare and contrast the behaviours and mannerisms of my son with that of my sibling's, friend's and neighbourhood kids. I thought it was a fairly representative sample, statistically speaking.

Here are some of the observations:

My son listened to everything we had to say.
Local kids obeyed usually under the threat of punishment.

My son was quite respectful to his parents and grandparents.
Local kids seemed to know and think they could get away with bad behaviour against their elders.

My son listened to the teachers at school seriously and attentively.
Local kids were mostly interested in playing.

My son would do his homework as soon as he got home, but sometimes we had to remind him. He would be done by 6 pm.
Local kids needed to be yelled at or bribed with goodies to get them to do their homework which would then be done at 9 or 10 at night.

My son has to take Hindi as a second language, something completely foriegn to him. Even though it was difficult, I was surprised to see him work diligently.
Local kids who had to take Hindi simply refused to spend time on the subject.

My son would go to bed between 8 and 9 pm and wake up at 6 within a few minutes of our asking him to wake up.
Local kids stayed up till 11 or midnight and the job of waking them up in the morning was a sight to behold: It would take upto 1 hour and in between that parents would take a shower, cook breakfast ...

My son would always take his plate to the sink after he's done with his food.
Local kids just walked away.

My son would get his own water or request for it with a \"please\". If we ask him to get his own, he would simply oblige.
Local kids yelled for water like their mother was a maid.

My son never minded taking the local bus or walking to the market or other places.
Local kids would only travel by autos or cars or pillion ride on motorcycles.

... and so on.

Now you may say that my kid could be different. That may be true, but remember, in the US, we felt that he was quite a spoilt brat. My son is just another normal kid and does have his behavioural problems and exasperate us more often than not. But, we have never had to hit him. I don't think my husband or I will ever hit our kids. For local kids, it is a not a normal day if they didn't get a spanking everyday.

Local parents were quite impressed with my son's behaviour that they encouraged their kids to be more like him! Isn't that an irony: Asking the local kids to be more like their American counterpart! Towards the end of the first year, some of the local kids had picked up the habits of my son, much to their parent's satisfaction.

I do find that my son is not getting a good deal on education in India. He is not allowed to ask questions to his teachers and once even got a beating for asking a math question.

These and ohers issues have encouraged us to move back. We are thinking of moving to Canada. Hence I came across this forum. I do not think I will be able to fund my kid's college education in US, so we will move to Canada I shall ask immigration related questions in the other threads.

In the end, it does not matter where you bring your kids up. What really matters are the simple things in life: You love them, treat them with respect, treat them the way you expect them to treat you, be a friend, teach them responsibility and above all, lead by example. Then, the kids will become exemplary citizens whether you bring them up in Burkina Faso or Mars

Thanks for reading,
Thenmozhi

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You know you are a desi when ........ You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live there...............You've never had a tanning salon membership

Quote:

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Originally posted by tamilkuravan

What is the use of raising your child in such a spoilt society.

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Quote:

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Tamil culture is :
1. Child being taught the family heritage by grand parents and relatives.
2. All people in the society watch the child.
3. Ability to play outside 24/365
4. Not exposed to sex predators at school or play.
5. ability to punish a sex predator if found.
6. love of people (not nessesarily your parents)
7. Strong education
8. access to medical and dental facilities in 5 mins. waiting time
9. cultural activities as bharathanatiyam
10. low cost to bring up the child.

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Quote:

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Tamil culture is not :
1. father and mother educated professionally and doing labour job.
2. working 10-12 hrs. a day and not knowing when you will be fired.
3. children are abusive in schools and speak all kind of bad words.
4. being in cold 8 months a year
5. Medical care being not good at all
6. if child is not in good mood and calls 911, then parents are in soup.
7. too many sex predtors in the city
8. no relatives or grandparents near by.
9. when the child decides who to marry.
10. when the child decides to do or not do drugs.
11. who the child decides to date
12. when the child decides to leave parents at age 18
13. when the child decides not to love his/ her parents nor support parents
14. when the child decides what to study
15. when the child decides his or her friends
16. the govt. does not educate you freely or atleast subsidise your education (post sec.) even if you are the cleverest.
17. use a calculator to find 2+2

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~ Morning rain

Quote:

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Originally posted by jake3d

Quote:

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Originally posted by morning_rain

IF they get poor grades or behave inappropriately .. ground them. Make the punishment fit the crime. Every action should have consequences. If they threaten to call 911 say OK.. then explain to them what happens and what foster care..courts..social workers are like and how their friends will know. In essence, CALL THEIR BLUFF.

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Thanks for this pointer. I've not been in this position yet, but I'm raising head strong kids (wonder where they get it from ). It sure helps to have the perspective of someone who grew up here, if I ever need it (hopefully I wont).

I also commend you for your patience on this thread.

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~ Morning rain

Quote:

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Originally posted by jake3d

Quote:

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Originally posted by jake3d


I guess one should find an easier way of cloning ones mind and putting it into a childs head. That way the child and the father can think EXACTLY alike. Wont that be just peachy?

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wait a minute...that wont work too well. One would also have to clone the environment to make sure junior daddy clone has the same experiences of senior daddy. I know!! Move back to India. Wait a minute...India has changed since senior daddy's time....now what? I know...get like minded friends and have them clone their kids. Now junior daddy has more junior daddy clones to play with.

The clones can someday have a whole clone country and all will be perfect in the clone world.

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~ Morning rain