Tali Ram's Son returns home to his father, very proud and says,
Papa, today we had to count at school, and all other students could only count to five but I could count to ten.'
Yes, my son. That is because you are a Hindu,' says the father.

The next day Tali Ram's son returns again.
Papa, today we had to recite the alphabet, all other kids could reach only up to F but I could reach K.'
Yes, my son. That is because you are a Hindu,' replies the father.

The next day the son returns and says,
Today we had sports class. I could run much faster than all the other kids in my class.
Is that because i am a Hindu?'
Whereupon the father replies, `No, my son. That is because you are already 25 years

Sardar: Cigarette hay?
Dokanwala: We don?t sell cigs.

Next day,
S: Cigrt hay?
D: Kal bataya tha yahan nahi baichty.

Next day,
S: Cig hay?
D: Abay kitni baar kahoon! NAHI HAY! DAFA HO JA nahi to hathorra sar pay day maaroon ga!

Next day,
S: Hathorra hay?
D: Nahi.
S: Acha? To phir cig hay?

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He who has not acquired one of the following: religious merit (dharma), wealth (artha), satisfaction of desires (kama), or liberation (moksa) is repeatedly born to die

Hindu and Girlfriend

This Hindu is very ashamed of his *_un_* because of its size.
He has an extremely small *_un_* and doesn't want his girlfriend to dump him when she sees its size.
One night when him and his girlfriend are making out in a dark corner he decides he will show it her.
The Hindu opens his trousers, whips out his small *nuni*, and shoves it into her hand.
He sits there patiently waiting to see her reaction.
His girlfriend says, "Thanks for offering, but I don't smoke.

This is a letter from a sardarji mother to her son at school ... Pyaarey Puttar,
Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did
when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your
home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last sardar who stayed in this house
took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn’t have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in
three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE. THE weather here isn't too bad. It
rained only twice last week. The first it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat
you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the
buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It
said that if we don't make the last payment on GRANDMA'S FUNERAL, she will come up again.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass in the cemetery. Your
sister had a baby this morning, I haven’t found out whether it is a boy or girl, so I don't know whether you
are an aunt or uncle!

Your uncle Jatindar fell into a whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for 3 days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. One was driving and the other two were in
the back. The driver got out; he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 friends drowned
because they couldn't get the gate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love, mom p.s. i was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed. This is about a day when Mr. Zail was the President of the country. All sardars in the country went to him
this day and told him that people tease them by making jokes about them that when the clock strikes
12:00; all sardars go mad and act like crazy. They complained that this is not true. They also complained
that people talk about sardar having no common sense. Therefore, they demanded him to go bring for
them common sense.

Mr. Zail Singh was confused and asked his secretary to give him some suggestions. The secretary advised him to go to Japan, since quality is guaranteed. The next day Mr. Zail Singh rushes off to Japan. At the Osaka Airport he hires a cab and asks him to take him to a shop where he can get common sense. The cab driver was pissed; he told him that there is no shop in Japan that sells such stuff. In fact every
human being has common sense since birth. And that one should know how to make use of it. Mr. Zail
Singh asked him to explain in detail.

He started explaining by giving an example. The example was that there are 4 members in his family, his
wife, his son, and his daughter. He then asked Mr. Zail Singh to guess the fourth members of the family.
Mr. Zail Singh said, "How am I supposed to know who is the forth member in your family". The driver said,
"Fool, it’s me" Mr. Zail then understood and said, "Oh! Is this what common sense is? Indian sardars are
fools and stupid, this is so easy!"

The next day he goes back to India and announces all sardars to get together for a mass sardar lunch. He
starts explaining with the same example. He says," There are 4 members in my family, my son, my
daughter, and my wife, guess who is the fourth one?” All sardars shouted, "We don't know".

He then yells at them,” You fools, stupid, good for nothing. It is so simple; the fourth member of the family is that taxi driver."

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He who has not acquired one of the following: religious merit (dharma), wealth (artha), satisfaction of desires (kama), or liberation (moksa) is repeatedly born to die

The Red Dot

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot on their foreheads.

We in the west have always naively thought that it had something to do with their religion. This has recently been revealed by the Indian Embassy in Ottawa.

When one of these women gets married, she brings with her, a dowry.

On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the red spot to see if he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a doughnut shop or a motel in Canada.

If he gets a ‘SORRY, PLEASE TRY AGAIN’, he is destined to a lifetime of driving taxi.

Ek hindu apni beti ki shaadi ke liye 24 saal ka ladka dekhne england giya,
wahan se apni biwi ko phone kiya 24 saal ka koi munda nahi milyaa, 12-12 de do chalangey ?

Hindu ji enters a store that sell curtains.

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Hindu seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

Hindu ji replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

Hindu ji tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

Hindu ji says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"