No respite from Mother-in-law
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Quote:
When a "Son" becomes a "husband" .. who should his first loyalties be to?
His wife and subsequent children..they are his now 'immediate family' and all others..evne parents and siblings..become extended family even if they live in the same household.
Secondly..u cant be married to two women at once..hence how can a man "balance" between a mother and wife? One always takes precedence.. after all who is his life partner? his mommy??????
I mean no offense morning_rain, but perhaps we are getting carried away a little here and undermining the situation by deeming it black and white. This scenario which applies to me as well - although my Mother is in no way close to mean; she's a bit possessive - is very very delicate. Perhaps the current case is obvious (as it may seem assuming the original poster isn't just stirring up shit).
I think when you put yourself in the parents' shoes, you and I will one day understand that the toughest part of parenting is to LET GO. Some cannot. And that is when - as I said earlier - the Son who is now a husband gets torn. I have felt this and I have always defended my wife in ALL cases. But I can tell how much that dissappointed my Mother. I was able to take a stand but I can see how one can not handle it.
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Location: Beautiful BritishColumbia
Posted on: 25-07-08 21:37:43
Post deleted.
Sorry, OP requested I delete details about this case owing to privacy concerns, your post had some specific details.
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"After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb." (Nelson Mandela)
By Tourist
(But I still would like to hear the other side of the story before forming a serious judgement. There have been hundreds of such stories given to womens organisation by DIL's everyday here in BC. Most of these turn out to be dud..
DIL's desperately trying to gain sympathy..or trying to separate her husband from his family. This is happening here more..maybe due to more stressful western environment.)
I fully agree with Tourist. Not only in western environment, I have seen such cases in India also.
(We are Indians, one of our biggest trait envied by the western world is our commitment to our extended family. The western world has lost it...and slowly we are losing it too. For generations it has been a norm in Indian society for sons to look after their aged parents. The old parents still look upto their sons for guidance and support. Mother is very important, when we are hurt,it is she who feels the most pain and we all know that within our hearts.)
Again a good point. A son/husband has to do the balancing act and the line sometimes is very thin.
Assuming everyhing that is posted by the original poster is true then the MIL and the husband are real villians and deserve no sympathy. But we all are basing our judgement and sharing opinions knowing only one side of the story. As one of the posters said 'Never ever forget the lady of the justice with the scale.'
Location: Beautiful BritishColumbia
Posted on: 25-07-08 22:23:40
Nice reply, Desi friend. Thanks.
By the way: The post 'Never ever forget the lady of the justice with the scale.' was also posted by me.
Any judiciary would laugh at us; forming opinions by just looking to one side of the coin.
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"After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb." (Nelson Mandela)
Quote:
Originally posted by morning_rain
Quote:
Originally posted by Fido
At more times than not , its the wife who out of possessivness , tries to wean away the son from his family ....
Without taking sides a son has to perform his responsibilities to both treading that middle line very carefully that he balances the scales carefully irrespective of what either thinks . Don t let the mother / wife dominate and tell them both whats right and wrong ..... draw the lines .
.
When a "Son" becomes a "husband" .. who should his first loyalties be to?
His wife and subsequent children..they are his now 'immediate family' and all others..evne parents and siblings..become extended family even if they live in the same household.
Secondly..u cant be married to two women at once..hence how can a man "balance" between a mother and wife? One always takes precedence.. after all who is his life partner? his mommy??????
You have more than proven my point
Why do women (both MIL / DIL ) consider each other as adversaries ?? A mother is a mother and a wife is a wife and he has responsibilities towards both , in their own capacities .... why should it be 'me or her ' situation and why should wives feel that after marriage husbands are their 'sole property ' ? Trying to restrict his responsibilities towards his parents ' ?
I m not taking anyone's sides in this particular situation just referring to take a balanced unbiased judgment .
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Fido.
Dunno why people are getting melodramatic about this. The lady in question may well be being manipulative but that is not what HelloG has said. We have to trust HelloG on that one. If helloG had said that the lady in question was a MIL being tortured by the DIL we would have to trust her on that too....since she clearly has knowledge of the situation. We take HelloGs word for it since she has been involved with the forum for some time.
In either case this is not a court of law and none of us thankfully have the final say/solution.
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Dear tourist desi-friend bllorean and all,
The very reason why this thread was created was to look for some sain advices for a girl who is feeling distraught. We all are not here to judge someone that we should know both sides' story.Well if we did, then wouldn't you agree that the problem was solved already!!!
The basic reason of complexities in such cases is that we cannot find out what is going on both DIL and MIL's head!
Dear Tourist , if someone in your office shares something ,would you start sneeking into their lives to find out if its a fact or fiction?..i guess no! As a good friend my duty is to always give suggestions that go in favour of having a peacefull/healthy relation within the family and that is why i have always told her to stay put.
I have come to realise that it was not a very good idea to bring my friend's story to table coz you never know of the repurcutions. I have not done a right thing and feel awfully embarrassed and sorry.
Can we please discuss this topic in general. Thanks for understanding (if you do).
