you are right son-of-india.

If someone wanted to stay in Canada and that is only the ultimate goal, why she would go back to India while she was already in canada. What do you think, when ppl come from india on marriage bases just to land here and when they go thru this kind of situation they go back to India..
'NO'...but they stay and suffer in whatever situation until their goal is satisfied like to get PR and etc..and then they start complain..


In this case, victim was already in canada. If that was her elimate goal should could have suffered more days without saying anything until PR comes thru. In her case also it looks like her hubby have created problem in processing of PR ..otherwise, why whould the file was tranfered twice between US and India...he knew what he was doing and may be wanted to make it difficult for PR.
There are ppl who wanted to come from india just for PR and greencard are different...if you tell them whatever to do they do whatever until their goal is satisfied..and the day they get PR..they run away, with complaing..


Also, when ppl go to india to get married they also think only 'sanskar' they can get or buy with showing their PR..and canadian desi orgin are all bad..that is not true also.. you can discover bad person in india..or canada. by going to get marrry in india...dont slove the problem

you are right chandresh,

why we have to take revenge? Belive in Karma, whatever he have done it will return to him one day. Believe in god as well. God have created something better or best then this person which is awaiting for you.

Now relax. just thank god that you are educated and dont have to stay in this situation for entire life. There may be lots of girl who have stayed in this situation when they come from india..and in india itself.who is finanically not self-dependant or educated. so just look at the bright side of it.
It must be very tough for you to go thru this situation.

And as chandresh said, by teaching him lesson..going behind lawyer and all.. you are going to waste your time as well. when we try to do bad about others, we get in return as well. leave that part to god. God have great karma of life. It will be for sure return to him one day. and you have finished your bad time..now look forward ..dont leave and complain in past, just learn the lesson. next time dont just fall in love. try to find out enough detail about some one. dosent mean you should love or trust others... if one person is bad..not all are same.
There was one story.
There was one king and his vajir went in jungle. In jungle, by accident king's three figure was cut, and vajir have said 'whatever happened, its for good'. King said, what are you talking about? I lost my three figure and still you are saying. you must be not care for me, so I fire you". still vajir said .. its happen to me for good only.
Then king continued in jugle alone. there were some adivasi looking for person to gift their god ..so they cautch king and bring him in front of adivasi king for his bali. when adivsai king have found ..king dont have 3 figures he told.. we cant use him. so free him..and king got relaxed that .. oh, vajir was right.. becuase I didnt have 3 figure i dont be complete bali person and they have not taken my life. thank god.
and then he went back to vajir and said.. i m so sorry, you were right. today i m alive because i dont have three figure. but i hve done bad with you... then vajir said.. no..again, it happened good for me...if i were with you, i have all the figure.. so they could have give bali of me. so it was good that you have left me at that time.

..... whatever happen..even bad, its good in long term. Just believe in GOD... god thinks and take care of you more than you do. so leave everything on him..just do what you shd do.

Karma's rule.

skd8

In order to give you further information and resources, you will need to provide us with more information as what help you are looking for.

Yes it is true that you have gone through a bad situation however you do not have to remain a victim in the future.

please do post further to clarify your situation.

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~ Morning rain

I truly appreciate your responses. Its helping me heal and think outside of the pain. I will give you a better picture of what I have been through in the past 1 year in brief.

1) He pursued me for 7 months before marriage before I agreed to our marriage. We met on a matrimonial site and I wasn’t too fond of him in the first meeting but after the second meeting he really made his impact on me. He put on the nicest front before marriage even my parents were impressed. He was not as good looking but that didn’t matter, we all were convinced that he is the nicest person, believer of God, spiritually inclined towards Sikhism, and wanted to help others etc. I truly believed that I was marrying a good person; he said that he had complexes about his looks and heights and I felt really sorry for him. I thought he was a good human being who deserves to be happy. He put on such a drama before marriage. Well he changed his colors the day of marriage. He turned into an abusive monster on the night of reception; he was physically abusive that night. After that in the days that followed, he changed so much; he no longer wanted to spend time with me. He didn’t like going out and was always abusive. I was naive, I kept justifying it to myself as work pressure and was optimistic that things will improve and that it was just a passing phase.

2) He convinced me to leave my job in US, under the pretext that we will be happier as a couple and that lack of time was the reason of our problems. So I did. I was a consultant and left my job early on in the marriage, hoping it will help our relationship. Well it didn’t but yes it made me dependent on him, both financially and also socially since I was new in Toronto and going through so much in life I couldn’t make new friends. I was stuck to our house day after day sulking, sad and hurt.

3) He turned into a violent, abusive monster who didn’t like to spend time with me. I begged I needed him but he didn’t listen. We didn’t go out for weeks; it was same excuse that he was busy with work (with medical residency in Toronto). Even when I left Canada for India he didn’t call, I called him everyday and he didn’t respond, always the same excuse of too much work. It was so hurting that he didn’t have time for me but he did have time for his friends, infact he seemed much happier when I left Canada to come to India. And in Nov 2006 he finally started talking more (he said he finally had more time) to me but this time he started abusing my family, he criticized their beliefs, their religious practises, he called them names, he demanded that I should pay him back for the rent and food he paid for, he pressured me to ask my parents for money. I didn’t mind paying back for the money he spent on me (for food or rent) but I just asked for sometime till I find a good job and start earning again but he didn’t want to wait.
4) He still has all my jewellery, clothes, certificates, all the saris, dresses and jewellery my parents had given me during my wedding, even my books. I just came down to India with a few pair of clothes since I thought I was here to visit. I wasn’t prepared for this.

5) Blocked all his accounts and financial support. I had no work and no money.

And now he is quiet, I have no written commitment from him that he wants divorce/ separation. He is sitting quietly. I can’t trust his intensions; he is a cruel man. January 5th, 2007 was the last time I had heard from his father who had called my father in India that he didn’t want this marriage anymore. That’s it, I haven’t heard from my husband or his family after that. Meanwhile, I just received a letter from Canadian High Commission stating that my sponsorship been withdrawn.
Why are they sitting quietly? I wonder if they are devising some plan to hurt me. I don’t think I can take their attacks any more. I just want to get on with my life, start my life all over and put my past behind me but I am concerned, I need help, I am very confused.

1) How do I get some justice for what he did to me? Is it advisable to make a case against him in India?
2) Is there anyway to get my belongings back like my certificates, gifts my parents gave, my books etc
3) Legally I am still married to him and I am scared that this past might come to haunt me later. Please advice what should I do under these circumstances?
I don’t want to get back to him and would prefer to get a divorce and put an end to this.
4) Can he legally force me or my parents to pay him back for the money he spent on me for my food and rent?

http://www.sawnet.org/orgns/#Toronto

The above link is for a list of international organizations for south asian women. Find the "India" link and it will give you a list and contact info for organizations near your city (you did not indicate where in India you are).

There is also a group of organizations in Toronto, but that may be more difficult for your to connect with while you are in India.

Btw - the line you wrote where he told you about his complexes ..was a warning bell to me. A person who his insecure about himself and feels like a "small" person - both physically and figuratively, may be filled with self doubt and recrimination. I am not a psychologist, but I wonder if he thought YOU would be the one thing to give him self esteem. When that didnt happen (because of course no external factors give true esteem, it has to come from one's self), he "blamed" you.

I know you didnt ask my opinion but just because a person appears to be pious and religious, doesnt necessarily make them agood person. Just because a person has chosen not to follow a religion doesnt make them a bad person.
I am sikh too btw, but a non practicing one.

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~ Morning rain

Aren't you one of them??

And what will anyone get by teaching a lesson to her hubby in this practical world??

Isn't it better to forget and forgive, and lead your own life as you would like to rather than take revenge and spoil her own present and future?




Chandresh how did u come into the conclusion that i am among one of the person who has no sensitive feelings for the victimised lady???teaching lesson to her hubby does not mean that it is a revenge..how can you let a person go scott free after spoiling someone's life??that man would be encouraged more to spoil someone's else life ...he is a criminal ....a sadist...he harmed her intentionally...and destryoing an innocence life is not a forgetfull matter.....but still she is the best person to decide what action she has to take??? and let's stop this argument too....our duty is to look into her problems with sympathy...and suggest her the ways to come out of it.....

I think i can understand your problem more then anyone else here.....my elder sister is suffering this abuse since last 15 years of her marriage....she married an doctor NRI 15 years back....that person gave us wrong information about himself and his past life....this matrimonial was arranged by a close friend of my mom...but the day she got married she faced humiliation and abuses....my sister's nature is very calm she is a postgraduate in science with b.ed...but that sadist keeps calling her illliterate,stupid and all sort of names in front of her relatives and friends too....he has destroyed everything in her....her self respect her confidence...everthing..he did take her to usa....and got her green card...then they came back to india in a year....he is settled here....but keeps going to usa ...as he is on visitor's indian visa.....her green card has expired long time back..he has not bothered to renew it....even her passport is expired long time back...he hardly allow her to visit my parents..who are in old age...my father is bed ridden...she is under his captivity like a bonded labourer...she has been left to do all the house hold work..during her first 10 years of marriage she had to looked after her sick in-laws she practicaaly nursed them like a proffessional nurse.....her in-laws were also very abusive.....my sister never harmed anyone in her life.....she was very quite in nature...but we curse the day we gor her married to a sadist...who gets pleasure in torturing her......but my sister is not as strong as you...she is still waiting for the day when everything will be fine...but we know it would never come.....he has tried his best or you can say worse in harming her.....but my sister is made up of an strange material.....her patience never seems to be ending!!!!!!the indian sanskar comes in the way....
But skd i appreciate you for courage...at least you have decided what you have to do...and you keep the flame of courage burning....plz dont get nervous by the circumsatances.....as the day you loose your will power you will loose your self confidence and your personality .........i have full symathies with you...my sis's filthy creature had three grown up kids from her previous marriage......she was not at all crazy to go to USA...she got married 'coz it was arranged by a very close family friend......and she is paying the price for that...
i am also a sikh....and bad persons are everywhere ...... they do not belong to any particular community ar nationality......My all the best wishes are with you.....i feel as if my sister is narating me her bad incidents to me.....