I bet you will enjoy this -
PS : There are no typos in this essay. Everything is legal and as it was written in the exam.If you develop cramps reading this or find your English gone haywire after reading this, please dont blame me

CALCUTTA's newspaper The Telegraph has got hold of an answer paper of a candidate at a recent UPSC examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow:
"The cow is a successful animal. Also he is quadrupud, and because he is female, he give milk, but will do so when he is got child. He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. What can it do? Various ghee, butter,cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is used by cobbler, watermans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of asitudinious species. Also his other motion is much useful to trees, plants as well as making flat cakes in hand and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards he chew with his teeth whom are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horn, specially so when he is got child. This is done by bowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohoa body whereupon he gives hit with it. The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts his eyes like his relatives, the horse does not do so. This is the cow." P.S.: We are informed that the candidate passed the exam.

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