I am sure there are a zillion out there but I just wanted to share some I came across today:


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I entered a pun contest one time. I really wanted to win so I submitted 10 puns. After much anticipation, mostly spent guessing which of my puns would win, they informed me that no pun in ten did.

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A few years ago I was at a charity banquet that was also attended by members of the Barnum and Bailey circus. When I was introduced to the guy who gets shot out of a cannon I said, "it's a real honor to meet you. I have never met a man of your caliber before."

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Madman attacks women doing laundry and runs away: Nut screws washer and bolts!

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NY Post headline: Headless body in a topless bar

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REUTERS headline: Man who snatched wig will have toupee

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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank.
If you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
- Bill Maher