A man named Bob sends flowers to a friend who was opening a new restaurant. When Bob arrived at the grand opening, he looked for the flowers he had sent. Well, when he found them, he saw that the florist had accidentally sent a white wreath that said, "May you rest in peace." He panicked, of course, and called the florist, who said, "Bob, I'm not as worried about you because as we speak, there's a guy being buried who got a dozen roses that said, "Good luck in your new location!"

--

A man is driving down a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving up the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!". The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "B****!!". They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

--

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into Heaven. Others though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit.

But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing.

'Excuse me, Prince of Darkness,' he said. 'I'm waiting in line for Judgment, but I couldn't help wondering. Why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the Fires of Hell with the others?'

'Oh those ' Satan groaned. 'They're all from Canada, and they're still too cold and wet to burn.'


--

Woman: Will you love me when I'm old and ugly?

Man: Darling, I do.


--

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you

--

An old man is at a hockey game between the Montreal Canadians and the Toronto Maple Leafs. The seat next to him is empty, and he is sobbing and crying quietly to himself.

The woman next to him leans over and says "Is everything okay, sir?"
"I'm alright." The mans answers. "It's just that my wife and I had season tickets for over 30 years, and we came to every game together, but she passed away and I'm here alone."

"Oh, I'm sorry about your loss." The woman replied kindly. "Couldn't you bring someone else? A relative or friend or someone?"
"No." The old man replies. "They're all at her funeral."

--

- Husband: When I get mad at you, you never fight back.

How do you control your anger?

Wife: I clean the toilet.

Husband: How does that help?

Wife: I use ur toothbrush.


--

Mom, Dad And Son (Hero)......
ACT 1

The Boy Saw A Girl And Falls In Love With Her
Luckily She Comes To Stay Opp His House !!!
He Proposes to Her
Love Goes Smoothly..

ACT 2

One Day Dad Saw His Son With That Girl. Did not approve.
Son Is Shocked !!!

Interval.....

ACT 3

Dad asked "Who is that girl ?
Son : I love her Dad and I want to marry her
Dad is shocked !!!

Climax

ACT4

Dad : Its Impossible. You Cannot Marry Her !!!
Son : WHY??
Dad : Because She Is Your Sister
Son Is Shocked Again !!!
And Now, A Twist In The Story !!!

ACT 5

Mom : Dont Worry Son, I Will Arrange Your marriage....You Are Not His Son !
Dad Is Shocked !!


P.S. : Please share some more jokes from your side as well

cheers........

Good ones, RBO...especially the canada and satan one.

rgds

Rajagopal

Quote:

---

Originally posted by RBO

Mom, Dad And Son (Hero)......
ACT 1

The Boy Saw A Girl And Falls In Love With Her
Luckily She Comes To Stay Opp His House !!!
He Proposes to Her
Love Goes Smoothly..

ACT 2

One Day Dad Saw His Son With That Girl. Did not approve.
Son Is Shocked !!!

Interval.....

ACT 3

Dad asked "Who is that girl ?
Son : I love her Dad and I want to marry her
Dad is shocked !!!

Climax

ACT4

Dad : Its Impossible. You Cannot Marry Her !!!
Son : WHY??
Dad : Because She Is Your Sister
Son Is Shocked Again !!!
And Now, A Twist In The Story !!!

ACT 5

Mom : Dont Worry Son, I Will Arrange Your marriage....You Are Not His Son !
Dad Is Shocked !!


P.S. : Please share some more jokes from your side as well

cheers........

---

Quote:

---

Originally posted by ashedfc

Here's another good one

Einstein and Sindhi are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

Einstein says, "Let's play a game. I will ask you a question. If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $ 5 and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

Einstein asks the first question: What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?

Sindhi doesn't say a word, reaches his pocket and pulls out a $ 5.

Now, it's Sindhi s turn. He asks Einstein, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs?"

Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends. After an hour, he gives Sindhi $500.

Einstein going nuts and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes
down with four?"

Sindhi reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $ 5.

---

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: '

Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to... The bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.

' 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

The teacher was speechless and fainted....