Questions about "traditional" culture, marriage and aging
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Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 05-05-06 11:44:41
Quote:
Originally posted by tamilkuravan
Again i wish to state the following :
My response was only for the people of TN in India, b'cos that is the only culture that i studied/ experienced in detail.
You will not understand the significance of the word "Sir" used for husbands unless you are a Tamil.
for eg: if you ask a wife : " IS Mr. Kuppusamy here?" the wife will say " Sir is not at home"
That is Tamil Culture.
TK
TK Thanks for your response.
Every culture is different and has significant meanings in traditions etc.
However I cannot help but wonder if women are considered equal in your culture if they cannot take the name of their husband ? I mean to my way of thinking..it would be more honorable to say "i am the mrs. of so and so". so to let people know that you are part of ___ family?
In north american culture if you hide ur husband's name its taken in the opposite way
You are either embarrased by him or want to be with someone else-----------------------------------------------------------------
~ Morning rain
Location: God's own country
Posted on: 05-05-06 11:50:19
In Tamil nadu, 99% of people donot have a family name for men. They go only by the first names and this does not have any significance. So spouses too donot care much.
Exceptions are :
The Mathuram family of Trichy,
The Paneerdas family of Chennai etc..
who use the family name as one ancestor had contributed a lot to the soceity and they still use it to capitalise on their ancestor's name.
Yes. In Tamil nadu, women are considered as second class citizens (men- first class citizens). I donot agree with it for the record but just for the info. to this board.
Men often use their caste name to show how big they are . The stronger the caste, the bigger ego you have.
TK
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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.
MR I wanted to give you a closer to reality picture
For your first question
"Question: If a young man/woman is not allowed the freedom to interact with members of the opposite sex, and/ or date, then how does a young person learn how to communicate and have a good relationship with their future spouse?"
In India There is huge cross-section of people and there exists a huge disparity so on one end you would find young people given all the freedom for dating and finding a life-partner and on the other end where they dont even know or havent even seen the person one is marrying. It depends on factors like economic position, place of living, education levels, culture, relegion etc...
But taking most metro cities and towns into consideration ,love marriages are accepted to a greater extent today. Although there mostly could be a period of struggle initially for parental acceptance, it does happen.
But as far dating goes , it is still taboo in most places that means you cannot really tell mom or dad that you are dating or seeing this person..that wud create havoc so its better to hide that....when you say that you are going steady with this person then you have to marry him / her and that too onan immediate basis.
But this does not mean that interacting with the opposite sex is taboo, it is accepted as long as you are in an entire group of friends like in college etc..
I will answer the other question a little later as my kids are getting restless and sleepy 
Location: God's own country
Posted on: 05-05-06 13:50:16
Daffodil,
Very good reply.
may i add that, in some cases people have less objection if you mingle with people of the same caste/ religion and people tend to accept you more if you are in love and both belong to the same caste/religion. The logical reason is that people of different caste/religion have different cultural set ups and many donot like to assimilate to other cultural setups.
Also if a man of a lower caste dates/loves a woman of upper caste, the boy's parents are likely to allow the marriage while the girl's parents are unlikely to agree to the marriage.
TK
Sidenote : I am not agreeing or disagreeing to this. Just a view of mine as i have seen many examples like the one's stated above.
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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.
Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 05-05-06 19:20:20
Quote:
Originally posted by tamilkuravan
Daffodil,
Very good reply.
may i add that, in some cases people have less objection if you mingle with people of the same caste/ religion and people tend to accept you more if you are in love and both belong to the same caste/religion. The logical reason is that people of different caste/religion have different cultural set ups and many donot like to assimilate to other cultural setups.
Also if a man of a lower caste dates/loves a woman of upper caste, the boy's parents are likely to allow the marriage while the girl's parents are unlikely to agree to the marriage.
TK
Sidenote : I am not agreeing or disagreeing to this. Just a view of mine as i have seen many examples like the one's stated above.
TK
I agree with ur words above in that thats whatI have seen and been told. My experience has been that some people who are not supposed to follow any castes (ie Sikhs) are usually the most adamant about castes and marrying within a group.
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~ Morning rain
Location: British Columbia
Posted on: 05-05-06 19:20:42
Quote:
Originally posted by Daffodil
MR I wanted to give you a closer to reality picture
For your first question
"Question: If a young man/woman is not allowed the freedom to interact with members of the opposite sex, and/ or date, then how does a young person learn how to communicate and have a good relationship with their future spouse?"
In India There is huge cross-section of people and there exists a huge disparity so on one end you would find young people given all the freedom for dating and finding a life-partner and on the other end where they dont even know or havent even seen the person one is marrying. It depends on factors like economic position, place of living, education levels, culture, relegion etc...
But taking most metro cities and towns into consideration ,love marriages are accepted to a greater extent today. Although there mostly could be a period of struggle initially for parental acceptance, it does happen.
But as far dating goes , it is still taboo in most places that means you cannot really tell mom or dad that you are dating or seeing this person..that wud create havoc so its better to hide that....when you say that you are going steady with this person then you have to marry him / her and that too onan immediate basis.
But this does not mean that interacting with the opposite sex is taboo, it is accepted as long as you are in an entire group of friends like in college etc..
I will answer the other question a little later as my kids are getting restless and sleepy
Thanks for your post
-----------------------------------------------------------------
~ Morning rain
Location: God's own country
Posted on: 05-05-06 19:46:07
Quote:
Originally posted by morning_rain
I agree with ur words above in that thats whatI have seen and been told. My experience has been that some people who are not supposed to follow any castes (ie Sikhs) are usually the most adamant about castes and marrying within a group.
MR->
I agree with you a 100 % on this. Please note that I am not pointing out anybody/ any caste or religion.
It has now become the fashion of people to get their daughters married to rich guys. They donot see the family background, Education of the groom, his vices etc... This leads to a lot of problems.
Just my views.
TK
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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.
