I was listening to Raina Sen in Asian Connection radio this afternoon, and the topic under discussion was the amount of freedom and protection under the law children enjoy here in Canada.

Children are taught in school to call 911 when they are in trouble. This privilege is used by them when their parents admonishes them for poor grades, bad behaviour, wrong friends, poor clothing style or late night parties. Families which come from Asia face this dilemma where the parents are used to lifting their hand to punish their children. Today there were cases described where children have called police against their own parents when they were pulled up for bad behaviour. Is it too much Freedom?

Recently I had gone to a lady hair stylist(from Asia) and she was narrating the story of her children who have been kept with her and her husband(their father) has been forced by law not to see them until they turn 18. The husband was unhappy over his sons grades and kicked his son, this ruptured his bladder and when he went to school he passed blood in his urine.The teacher called the cops to school. The children were taken over by the Foster Care-Social Service department, and the choice was given to the wife that she could keep the children provided the husband does not see them.

If children can challenge their parents with 911, every time they are questioned, how do you raise your children to be the best. As a child in India, I had two things always on my head. These were inbuilt into the pschye. The name and reputation of my family running to the past 4 generations and the educational accomplishment of my parents and their forefathers. It was always in my mind that I need to keep up this honor as my past 3 generations were post graduates with gold medals and the last two Doctors/Doctorates. Even today it is 20 years since my grandfathers death, every time you enter my town and ask for my house location as Doctors house, even a 2 year old kid would direct to my house. What I mean here is the past reputation acts as inspiration/control/focus for our future actions. We are made to keep up the reputation even if you are not able to surpass it. The other thing was the intense competition for sucess with in a street. When I was a kid, I used to hear about the neighbour son or daughter getting admission into MBBS or attaining IIT admission or attaining admission into an IVEY league school. When the news reaches through your mother(through her afternoon gossip session with her own sarcastic bit added to end which would go something like this \" I do not what you plan to do with your life with the way your are studying\"it would ignite fire in your belly to achieve something. I still remember how my mother spread the news within our street when I got my F-1 visa with assistantship in 6 schools.

Now coming to my dilemma, what are those bench markers in the Canadian society. Should I say opposite house Ramu is driving a BMW to inspire my children?.Recently my 5 year old child came back from school mentioning that her friend hurt her feelings. I do not remember of using these words until I hid mid 20's in India. My other child keeps mentioning to me that I'm stressed out. I started using this word only in mid 30's.

How do your inspire your children to achieve greater heights?

I want to conclude of what a gentleman said on the radio show this afternoon. He adviced do not get married if so, do not have children !

Mature discussion please!.

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Speech by Thomas Friedman of The New York Times....

"When we were young kids growing up in America, we were told to eat our
vegetables at dinner and not leave them. Mothers said, 'think of the
starving children in India and finish the dinner.' And now I tell my
children: 'Finish your maths homework. Think of the children in India
who would make you starve, if you don't.'"

Sankaracharya!
My parents were well educated professionals. I am a professional myself. However in Canada, i work almost like a labourer. Even though i am 35, i am still afraid of my office every day. I am a father of a 6 month old daughter. How can i instill a confidence in her while i am a labourer paid $12.5 an hour. My status is not good in Canada. I am equal to any other man on the street. Cananda is not the place for me to bring up my daughter in a right or fruitful way. The saying in the bible goes " When a blind man leads another, both will fall into a ditch".

My game plan is this : Raise my daughter in Canada till 5 years of age and send her to india to be raised by relatives, friends etc... The exchange rate will provide for her comfortable study and i can discipline her better in India. I will send her to famous residential public school. when she is 18 and above, then she can come to Canada and exploit the facilities given by the govt.. (she is a Canadian by birth and hence she has the right).

In 1983, my fathers salary as a veterinary doctor was rs. 1600. He still sent me and my brother to an anglo indian school. My father was renting and working in another city and me , my brother and mother were renting and studying in another city. in 1990, my father's salary was rs. 3500 and he was able to afford paying to study engineering and architecture. Can i afford to do that at a rate of $12.5 in Canada. It is very doubtful. Moreever , my daughter will want the best in life, which i canot afford in Canada.

I know recently a parents who sent his 2 children and wife to India b'cos the eldest son was getting into bad company. First the mother of the children will be with them and once they get settled in about 3 months, then she will leave them under control of their parents and come back to her Wal Mart's Cashier job. One of her friends from Canada, had offered her some cash job in india from canada (Some non- profit oraganisation). If that job gives her steady income, then she will hold on to that job, else she will return to Walmart.
Since we are tamilians , we are a minority here. Our income does not allow us to sponser our parents / relatives/ friends here and so i see no use bringing up my daughter here. she will have no tamil friends for the rest of her life , if she is brought up in Canada.

The last part of the radio show which asked you no to have children was not a mature decision at all. Children are the Canadian CPP/ OAS/ RRSP/RIF to parents in their old age. Recently i became a consultant so that i can send some money to my parents who provided everything for me. You need to have children but you also need to have brains to raise them properly. A poorly brought up child can be the Canadian Tax to you, rather than to enhance your life. Children are a joy for parents and families and you canot afford to loose it. If you canot afford to have children in Canada, move to a country where you can afford to have them.
TK

Disclaimer : This view is my personal one. It has not been seen nor approved by my wife. I can change my views anytime i want based on my mood. So a totally diff. thing can happen, in say 2015. I donot guarentee any of my sayings. This is just my view at this point in time.
The family mentioned in my story do exist. It is not my imagination. Sorry if i was emotional.

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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.

Beating kids is not a good idea. Educated parents would only do that (that would in a form of something like slap and definitely not a Kick) to vent off their anger / frustation and I believe this would help ease the situation temporarily because the poor child would get drained of all his tears and get exhausted & give up. However this cannot happen too often. You have to understand a child & if you still can't, there are special doctors who would help you.

We came here two and a half years back from Delhi and we used to think that we are going to canada for the better future of our kids, but now we are going back to India forever to improve our lives and to make our kids life better becoz No matter what India is much better than Canada in every aspect..

We have no kids yet .
We respect our parents so much that we can do anything for them but you tell me
Kids who grow up here can do this for us ;NEVER ....
I know people will say now that its totally up to you how you teach your children
abt your culture,respecting elders etc etc...
But this canadian culture will effect on them no matter what ..
And we are not planning our kids till go to India and settle there...

I think every one who is living here becoz of kids is a stupidity,They are sacrificing every moment of their life for them and ask your children will they do this sacrifice for their parents?Will they go to India :No, never!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Truly Indian

Hello!
I donot endorse beating esp. beating female children though i was beaten with belt when i was young. That was the only way that my father could prevent me from teasing and making my younger brother cry. Beating a small child (how ever mischevious they may be) is a cruel act. Fathers or mothers beating a child should be prosecuted. but this is a double edged sword. In Canada, you are also prevented from disciplining your child. You child could still say that you abused him/her and get you behind bars. In India, how ever your child may try to cheat you the police will never come to arrest you. This in turn will make the child be aware that he has to OBEY you. This in turn makes so many good things possible.
Yes. i agree that in Canada, children laws were written to safe guard children but for tamilians like me , they donot match my cultural laws. I will use my discretion to discipline my child and i donot want any Canadian law to hinder my judgement. If my child, grows up respecting Canadian law and my culture, then there is no problem but if she takes advantage of the Canadian children law then all problems arise.
Anyway, i donot want to take any risk in this. At the age of 5 or 6 , she will be packed to india and if necessary, i will also go with her.
TK

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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.

I think everything drive from job type and your financial responsibilities here or back at home. If you get better or same job like India (or from where you came) then you are happy immigrant.
If you have good job then more money for dispose and can afford house in good area. It's like positive attitude and look Canada as home.

When I move from US to Vancouver everything looks expensive, less salary as compare to US, low $ value,.... a long list of problems.

Now I settle down here. Things are in good shape and I enjoy Canada more feel like home. My son and wife feel same.

Keeping feet on both boats like kids in India (putting our own responsibility to grand parents or relative) and we are in North America just for $$ does not make sense to me.

Getting admission to IIT/IIM is not the only thing in life. Those are not the only smartest people on earth. Here in this western world that is good thing I learn.

I did my engineering from IIT and I am saying that.

Quote:

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Originally posted by shankaracharya

IChildren are taught in school to call 911 when they are in trouble. This privilege is used by them when their parents admonishes them for poor grades, bad behaviour, wrong friends, poor clothing style or late night parties. Families which come from Asia face this dilemma where the parents are used to lifting their hand to punish their children. Today there were cases described where children have called police against their own parents when they were pulled up for bad behaviour. Is it too much Freedom?

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Quote:

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Recently I had gone to a lady hair stylist(from Asia) and she was narrating the story of her children who have been kept with her and her husband(their father) has been forced by law not to see them until they turn 18. The husband was unhappy over his sons grades and kicked his son, this ruptured his bladder and when he went to school he passed blood in his urine.The teacher called the cops to school. The children were taken over by the Foster Care-Social Service department, and the choice was given to the wife that she could keep the children provided the husband does not see them.

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Quote:

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If children can challenge their parents with 911, every time they are questioned, how do you raise your children to be the best.

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Quote:

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As a child in India, I had two things always on my head. These were inbuilt into the pschye. The name and reputation of my family running to the past 4 generations and the educational accomplishment of my parents and their forefathers. It was always in my mind that I need to keep up this honor as my past 3 generations were post graduates with gold medals and the last two Doctors/Doctorates. Even today it is 20 years since my grandfathers death, every time you enter my town and ask for my house location as Doctors house, even a 2 year old kid would direct to my house. What I mean here is the past reputation acts as inspiration/control/focus for our future actions. We are made to keep up the reputation even if you are not able to surpass it. The other thing was the intense competition for sucess with in a street. When I was a kid, I used to hear about the neighbour son or daughter getting admission into MBBS or attaining IIT admission or attaining admission into an IVEY league school. When the news reaches through your mother(through her afternoon gossip session with her own sarcastic bit added to end which would go something like this \\\" I do not what you plan to do with your life with the way your are studying\\\"it would ignite fire in your belly to achieve something. I still remember how my mother spread the news within our street when I got my F-1 visa with assistantship in 6 schools.

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Quote:

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Now coming to my dilemma, what are those bench markers in the Canadian society. Should I say opposite house Ramu is driving a BMW to inspire my children?.Recently my 5 year old child came back from school mentioning that her friend hurt her feelings. I do not remember of using these words until I hid mid 20's in India. My other child keeps mentioning to me that I'm stressed out. I started using this word only in mid 30's.

How do your inspire your children to achieve greater heights?

I want to conclude of what a gentleman said on the radio show this afternoon. He adviced do not get married if so, do not have children !

Mature discussion please!.

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~ Morning rain