Corporate Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on" After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

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Corporate Lesson 2

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one. " "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an Endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

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Corporate Lesson 3

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Corporate Lesson 4

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Corporate Lesson 5

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the Stories:
1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut

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Good ones Smartguy...

Maverick

There were these 4 guys, Russian President Putin, Germany's
Chancellor Kohl, Pakistan Dictator Musharraf and French Premiere
Chirac who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the
bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him
out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I
will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and
jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and then
your wish will come true." The French Premiere Chirac wanted to
start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted WINE". The pool
immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy
swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian President
Putin turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed
himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and
shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last
is Pakistan's Musharraf. He was running towards the pool when
suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and
shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Mind your language; you never know what it will land you in.

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CORPORATE LESSON #3
Usually the junior executives and staff of the company generally
play football; the middle level managers are more interested in
tennis and the top management usually has a preference for Golf.
FINDING: As you go up the corporate ladder, the balls reduce in size.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Self explanatory....



CORPORATE LESSON # 4
A young executive was leaving the office at 6 PM when he found the
CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his
hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and
important document and my secretary has left. Can you make this
thing work?" "Certainly, Sir" said the young executive. He turned
the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start
button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper
disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Never, never assume that your BOSS knows
everything.

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Special Requests: Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job