Posted on: 04-01-10 15:05:21
I didn't found what happiness children bring till I had one !!
Although its hard , esp in Canada where we are away from our community and with less available help .... but that smile / giggle on the child's face is ... unparalleled in the joy it reings ....
Plus its also enlengthening your family and the lineage ... not to mention that you bring a life into this world and rear it ... Perhaps one of the best contributions one can make by well rearing and bringing up a life ..
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Fido.
No To Babies!
I was brought up in a very stable family life. My parents had been married for 17 years when they had me, and at school I was very much an outcast in terms of having a traditional family. Most of the kids I went to school with were from single parent families, with much younger parents then mine.
A year after my best friend gave birth, my oldest friend whom I had known since I was 5, gave birth too. Again, I admired the fact that my friends were mothers, but I personally couldn't understand why they would choose such a life changing path so young.
From my teenage years until my late 20's you could say that I saw life. I was heavily involved with the music industry and I certainly made the most of it. While I was travelling around on tours and partying hard, my two closest friends were stay at home mum's with 6 kids between them. I didn't get it. I knew that they were great mum's and that they were happy with their decisions, but I thought they missed out on a lot of different life experiences.
When Everything Changed
When I was 28 I met my match. Completely out of the blue I met the most wonderful person whom I pretty much instantly fell madly in love with. And that's when everything changed. I gave up my career in music, quit partying quite so hard and settled down. That's when I started thinking about having children. Then I went from thinking, to wanting.
From a little girl I had always said, no children! To be honest, I'm not terribly maternal in terms of other people's children. I don't see babies and want to pick them up and cuddle them. But then it dawned on me, I'm like that with cats. The cat that you see as my avatar is, and has always been my baby. She is spoken to like a baby, cuddled like a baby and pampered. Well spoilt actually. But I don't see other cats and want to stroke them, or even have them near me. So I am maternal really, but only for what's mine.
Why Having Children Later Is Great
Meeting the most wonderful person and sharing a life with them has made me broody. I'm not quite there yet, but I now know that I will be. After so many years of not wanting to have children, here finally at 31 years of age I'm nearly ready.
I've done my partying, I've travelled, I've studied and I've lived a really colourful life. Now I just want a happy home filled with a little family.
I think the benefits of having children after 30 are great.
You've hopefully found your life partner by then
You have a strong relationship
You've built a stable home to bring a child up in
Hopefully you will have accomplished career goals and success in whatever personal form
You know yourself much better then when you were younger
You have had more life experience
You aren't as selfish
You're able to manage a household
The little things that mattered when you were younger don't anymore
You have more patience
You know what you want from life
You've done the things that your kids are going to try!
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The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
Mahatma Gandhi
Quote:
Originally posted by morning_rain
Quote:
Originally posted by tamilkuravan
Also (if you are from an Indian background), having children is like having an assured CPP, OAS in the future, not to forget that having as boy child will give you a nice Provident fund / saving (as dowry).
Even on this forum, I have seen many Desi's plan for their retirement by investing in RRSP/ Stocks and spend a lot of time on financial planning. Having children is one form of financial planning.
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"Assured"? do you have assurance that your child will outlive you? Not become disabled or have other problems that mean they may nto be able to work and support you. What if they dont want to live with you or can barely make enough money to support themselves?
isnt it selfish to have children for the sole purpose of giving them a job - to assure your own financial security in old age? thats kind of scary - your survival depending on someone else. Not everyone has nice or caring children, even in INDIA.
In Indian culture, parents have to also cough up the money to pay for their children's weddings. In Canada, many people expect they will have lavish weddings that may cost $30-$50,000 or more.
This is the very intention of parents that has put many intelligent kids in rat race depriving what they should be enjoying in their life or depriving their ability to think of something big in place of putting them to look for a secured job just to cover the commitments. Help from grown kids (once adults) should come out of affection / respect, not out of indebtedness which will result hatred too.
The Dowry system / dependency on kids / formalities to show off have been few important social unjust back in India that has ruined the life of many young lives (not life literally).
Why can't parent think of providing a secure foundation for their kids so that they look towards providing further strong foundation of their generation.
I believe this is what the movie 3 idiot touched.
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The cowards never started,
The weak died on the way,
Only the strong arrived.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yK1i9cLAMM
When I looked at the title, I thought question must be ... AM I READY to come to Canada? I clicked it to get served by our own "Writing Comedians" (just like standing comedians). Yes, I didn't miss them n their humor at all.
But To my utter surprise - Topic was all together different.
To OP >> You have your queries replied in first couple replies only.
If you are still reading my post then few of them have already decided that you should have them. But they wont come to rear them as rearing kids is pain in rear also. But don't worry - You'll have this forum to #$&^%&&#$@ $@#$@# $#@$@# $$#@$#$#@ and vent your frustrations, if things dont work out the way it is has been pictured to you.
No pun intended to anyone......
PS: I know what you are thinking now - I am not good at Lying.
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Mumbai Maazi Ladki ...
Quote:
Originally posted by gopalpai
I am really sorry for being so blunt, but to have children, you have to ask forum, I wonder before getting married also, does people ask forum.
Quite Rude indeed !
The reason why i posted this question was to do a sort of a feel in terms of expenses, may be your statment is based more because of the subject of the thread. I am sure no one on any forum takes decisions based on what 'people' think, at least i dont and wont. All have their own reasonings and their own opinions, that being said my intent was to gain a better understanding of the expenses that revolve around raising a child and then to make my OWN decision.
I prefer to deny to jump into a whole new chapter in my life blindly without any pro-active planning in almost all avenues of my life and this is just one of the major ones. All i m doing is putting in a few more brain cells to prepare a plan of action on how to deal with any changes that might get created due to this change in my family tree.
Anyways - Thank you to all for rest of the opinions and information.
I recall a dialogue from an Amitabh starrer .... ' Jab soch gehree ho jaatee hai to faisley lkarne mushkil ho jaate hain ' ..... When thinking goes deep , its hard to decide ......
I think having kids is no major decision unless one is living hand to mouth ... Remember there are some things which can be learnt only by experiencing ... marriage and having kids are 2 of them .... at times I feel the earlier the better as family life does not end with your kids .... but as you grow older , you wish to see them married and then you wish to see their kids as well ... it goes on 
Quoting Rahul Bajaj on a lighter note - 'If I knew grand kids were more pleasing / fun to be with , I would have had grand children before my own children '
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Fido.
Lot of information.. never thought of it.. thanks man..
