My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way !
-Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met !
-Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong !
-Milton Berle

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her, "Where's the car?"
She replied," In the lake."
-Henny Youngman

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret !
-Henny Youngman

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her !

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her !

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends !

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it
since the thief was spending much less than his wife did !

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished !

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying !"

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa, a Man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son !

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine !"

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience !

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer !

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible !

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man !

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says," Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead !"

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry !

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once!

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Work is forever. Childhood is only once. Spend time with your kids...