U.S Aide, Carlyle Group CEO & Saddam conversation
(from Toronto Sun Sunday Newspaper)

U.S Aide: "Oh Great Saddam, Second Saladin, Sword of the Arabs?"

Saddam : "Yes, yes, what is it now?"

U.S Aide: "Phone call from Carlyle Group in Washington"

Saddam : "Isn't the company owned by the Bushes and their Pentagon business cronies?"

U.S Aide: "Yes, your sublime Iraqiness, it is"

Saddam : "Put them on"

CEO : "Hello, President Saddam. this is the CEO of Carlyle Group. No, no, not Chief Espionage Officer, Chief Executive Officer. No, I'm not seeking asylum in Iraq"

"Listen, we've costed war against Iraq and it comes in around $200 billion. Now here's the deal. We'll buy you out of Iraq for $174 billion, half cash, half paper, with a $3-mil monthly retainer, use of our corporate jets, a Fifth Avenue co-op apartment, fresh flowers daily, a secretarial staff, golf club memberships, and a season tickets to the NY Mets"

"I've checked with the White House. Take this deal and you'll be re-classified from Dangerous Dictator to Freedom-Loving Ally. You'll also get a genuine enameled American flag pin for your lapel to prove you're not an evil Muslim"

"This offer you can't refuse. Mr. Saddam. As President Bush says, "you're either with us or against us"

Saddam: "I spit on your $174 billion. Do you take me for the Father of Fools? The net present value of our oil reserves is $6.8 trillion. And didn't I just see the bullying villian in Walt Disney's cartoon Beauty and Beast use the same 'with us or against us' line?

CEO : "So What? The President has a wide range of interests. How about your own TV Talk show, 'Ask Saddam' and a Miami Beach condo?"

Saddam: "Now you're talking. But who will run Iraq for you?"

CEO : "We're hoping you will, as a senior consultant for us. After all, no one knows how to manage this crazy country better than you, oh Light of Fertile Crescent!"

Saddam: "Throw in Kuwait, and you've got a deal"