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Originally posted by Aashu
Chandreshji and Blorean :
First off, I would not like to enter into an argument with you over this but just to clarify : we ALL love our kids more than anything else in the world. And SO DO I.
But every family / couple has different circumstances and stresses in life and dift support system. Also everyone has dift capacity / patience to bear the stress. (wud not like to go into more details)
Having a child has not been a bad thing for me AT ALL, and if I sound like that, it is miscommunication but yes I will have to admit that I do miss my freedom I had earlier (not that I would want that back now).
If you do not have that question hey good for you. I asked that question bcos I know what 5-6 things I do in evenings and if I can get more ideas that can do good to us, why not ?
I apologise if I offended you Aashu - that was not the intention. However, I wrote what I could feel by reading your posts - someone else might read it the other way. Your OP never said anything about the kid - and then suddenly seemed to turn to (sort of) a complaint that you could not do anything because of your child.
And by way, taking out your child on weekday is a matter of choice and abilities - if you are not able to do that, do not feel bad, because there are more things in life we cannot do, than we can. Rather concentrate on what you can do and do that in the best possible manner.
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Chandresh
Advice is free – lessons I charge for!!
Aashu,
Please ignore the comments from others.
I just wanted to say that working moms carry more guilt with them and are bashed more (accused because they work). By commenting people don't understand that how badly it affect the mothers. I'm not a feminist or women right kind of women but being a mother of twins/working with UN (taken, satisfied in career) I feel I made my parents proud and I'm happy to be married to a right man.
Regarding the evenings...I'll say your son is very young for classes, my kids classes (be it swimming, soccer, dance started at 4 yrs, my twins are 4.5 now). Me and hubby take out full time for kids and don't feel the kids are left out. We take turns for kids to be on classes depending on our work schedules. I've these two rules at home which make life very easier
-not to indulge in computer/internet at home
-not to work on weekends (no matter what)
Few tips
-Involve your son in whatever you do, be it cleaning (they pick up their toys and books before we sleep, wiping table after their food), cooking (I give them small portions of dough and they make rotis for me..they use it as playdough), washing clothes (they stand on stools and I hand over clothes which they put in the machine)...that way I'm always beside them. After office we work together at home and along with house work we talk/tell stories to each other/laugh/teach them Letter/numbers, mythological stories etc....kids absorb like sponges, are parrots and pick up things very fast.
- Do fake competitions, I give them a sheet of paper to cut and I cut onions/make dough...we compete who'll finish faster...Mumma or kids!!
-Kids love to laugh and teach us to laugh too, I call them my stress busters I've seen if I'm tensed things at home also take effect and everything that day will be bad, a good mood, few dance steps, hugging your husband and thanking god that we are blessed takes me out of my bad mood.
-Enjoy them as much as you can cause they grow very fast!
-At times I also remember my unmarried days, our initial marriage days (got kids after 4 yrs) but that no WAY means I want to trade in my kids for anything in the world...No way!
Take care...................Jona
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Quote:
Originally posted by Aashu
Having a child has not been a bad thing for me AT ALL, and if I sound like that, it is miscommunication but yes I will have to admit that I do miss my freedom I had earlier (not that I would want that back now).
As a father of a 3.5 yr. old myself, could not agree more! As amazing, rewarding and gratifying as the parenting experience is, it can also be frustrating and draining at times. That does not mean you don't love your kids, you're just being real by admitting that.
Ask any expert and they'll tell you that aside from focusing time on kids, you should also find pockets of time doing what you like to do for yourself. Your state of mind is vital to how productive and enjoyable your time spent with your kids will be. If you and your husband have this time set aside for yoursleves (maybe getting a part time babysitter to help), you'll miss your bachelor days a bit less.
A routine (with variety) is probably the best way to get organized in this regard. Have the evenings planned out and try to follow schedule as far as possible. This way, even the kids know what to expect and you'll find you have more spare time too. The key is getting organized yourself before trickling those habits down to your kids (I know, easier said than done, still working on it myself).
There are also scores of books available on parenting and spending time with your kids, they can be a good resource too for tips.
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Are you there?
Location: God's own country
Posted on: 27-11-08 15:50:40
Quote:
Originally posted by Aashu
,I must admit that it is extremly stressful to bring up a family in Canada.
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Managing a job with 11 hrs in total, and cooking fresh eday, doing with dishes and taking care of child in evening when your husband works evenings and returns at 10 p.m. is challenging. And I know lot of my friends who are facing same struggle.
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I want to do a lot for my child as we all want to sepcially other activities besides studying and so want to keep myself updated on what all options are available.
Aashu,
My post is a general post and not directed towards anyone in particular but I would like to highlight the problems faced by both spouses working and in different location. Also could you guys be careful on the "Quote" button. Try to delete unnecessary information that is not relavant to your answer. If everyone started doing this, things in a nutshell would be pages long.
On the changed topic :
I guess now Desi's would have known why Canada's population is so low. B'cos a lot of people have no time for having and rearing kids. That is why they suffer at their end times with most of them leading a lonely life at their old times and spending times with their co habitants in a nursing home.
Also I know a lot of desi's who are very keen to earn money and who donot care a cent for their children (most of who were born in india) and children (esp. when they are above 10 years) are left to do everything on their own and this leads to them falling in bad company.
For Desi's who have children 5 years and below and are overwhelmed by the job senario, I would suggest the follwoing :
1. Try to move the home near to one's work place and have the daycare near it. Hence only one spouse suffers. Also I have seen some Lady Desi's have their daycare near the office and hence they travel to work with their child and then pick the child upon return and immediately go to a drop in centre / park in summer / rec. facility (while food is cooked at home by the other spouse). they come back and relax , watch TV, play with kids and end the day that way. But again in this way, you would have to feed the child with snacks outside (when you pick them from the daycare and not go straight to home)
2. Try to see if one spouse can leave his / her job and live on govt. handouts. Also if one person works in a regular profesional job from 9-5, then the other spouse can work 8 pm to 2 pm (part time) and thus 2 people work just 1 1/2 man days instead of 2. The part timer can see if he can do some home based business too.
3. . Other points are listed in my previous posts.
I have found most Desi's happy (on 2 person job) when their children cross the age 7. This is b'cos they can start doing things independantly and they actually donot need your help to grow up (like reading , playing etc..). The most streesed out time is when your child is from age 18 months to 5 years. That is when they need your attention all the time.
I have e-mailed to you my personal experience (since this is a public forum and I may be subjected to redicule)
Hope this helps
Peace by TK
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I am a Gents and not a Ladies.
