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HOPE

Yo Socratic Wisdom,

Yam yalmost phorgetting to be tankphul to yyu sirji. Yyu to be noing yabout the 'vo' yin yaar phisrt post? Vo, yam to b yincluding yin my yact yand public to b liking yekdum, byut nyot yas such much yas LSD yand Simbly Dakshin ka martinis in Martin's land, yarey bhaya to b leading yas land, nuting yelse.
Yagin, dhanyavad. Yo how sweet yit yis that 'dhan' sound.

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hinglish zindabad

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Orginally posted by Socratic Wisdom

I have been primarily an observer on CanadianDesi and I noticed that people seem to be killing the English language. Sometimes their English is so terrible that I wonder what right do these people have when they go off about their Canada-cheated-me speech. So I have decided to compile some tips on how to improve English speech overall.

Before doing that let me tell a little bit about myself. I am an immigrant doing my undergraduate in Vancouver, BC. I did my high school in the USA and am now in Canada pursing a major of my choice. When I first moved to the US to start high school I didn’t know how to speak properly in English. After being ridiculed on a constant basis I decided that I would somehow train myself to perfect the accent and the language.

I followed several steps and I completely changed in just over 4 to 6 months. I know it works because I have used it on my family and close friends and they are improving every single day. Even today people ask me whether I was born in Canada. They are surprised when I tell them I wasn’t.

NOTE: Being a very good communicator does not mean having the perfect accent. As long as you speak properly and refrain from using Indian slang you should fine. So stop using the “they-cant-understand-me-because-of-my-accent excuse.” Because people from Europe have all sorts of accents yet people are able to understand them because their English is grammatically perfect.

1)Slow Down: I don’t know why but people from India tend to speak English extremely fast. Don’t try to match your thought process with your speech. You will end up confusing majority of the people you talk to. Take the time to properly articulate your words and express them clearly.

2)Read! : Always read anything that is in English. The newspaper is an excellent example. Not only do you get knowledge you can also have a feel for how people actually express themselves in Canada. It is quite different from how Indians speak.

3)The Power of Closed Caption: This is one of the most useful things that I did. Turn your TV to watch the evening news and enable the Closed Caption feature. That way you can hear the way people talk and at the same time follow the text. Feel free to repeat after them. News anchors are really the best models to use when it comes to speaking because they speak clearly and perfectly!

4)Put an end to those irritating online linguistics: Write properly for god's sake! You can start by avoiding irritating abbreviations that people use on their emails or forum posts. When you do something like that it shows that you are not sincere. If can’t be sincere when you even post a small text online how sincere will you be when you are offered a job? Some unacceptable terms are “ u, wud, cud, tht, intw, gr8, hw, l8tr,exp and many many many many more.”

5)Use Question Words/Phrases To Form Questions: Use words/phrases like “What,” “Why,” “Are you”, “Where,” etc to form your questions. Just because you add the word “You” to your sentences and have a questioning tone doesn’t mean you are posing a question. Here is an example: questions like “You wait in the lobby?” or “What time is it?” are not proper questions. It should be “Do you want to wait in the lobby?” and “What is the time?” Make sure you follow the proper grammar rule of “the object follows the subject” not the other way around.

6)Avoid Native Tongue Thinking: I see many people do this. They think of something they wish to say in their native tongue and completely translate it. The rules of English and the rules of your native language are completely different. If you want to speak in English, think in English.

7)Alphabet Pronunciation: It is really hard to pronounce things the proper way when you have a hard time pronouncing the alphabets. For example- The alphabet ‘E’ is pronounced as ‘E’ not ‘YE’. The alphabet ‘O’ is pronounced as ‘O’ not ‘VO’. If you have some time practice saying the alphabets in your head the proper way. Pronounce each alphabet correctly without adding unnecessary sounds.

8)Idea of Mimicking: Create this frame of mind. The way you currently pronounce things is wrong. So to fix it pretend you are mimicking the way Canadians pronounce things. It may seem odd at first but if you practice this a little you will soon find yourself speaking like a Canadian!

I hope some of these tips do help you. We all want you to get a good job and fulfill your dreams here in Canada. Think about it. Who cares if you don’t have enough ‘Canadian Experience?’ Make your prospective employers think you have what it takes. Speak like a professional and gain their trust. I honestly think when companies say “You don’t have enough experience” they just mean that they don’t feel assured by your abilities. You are from a different country and why should they hire someone from a new country to their company? Will you trust a complete stranger and that too from a different country? Give the assurance your prospective employer needs. Improve your speech. You may have all the technical skills that you need but if you don’t know how to express yourself all your knowledge becomes useless.

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Arey yekdum call chenter ke team, aarey seth sahib, team matlab theme, pe

Amithabh: Thank you for calling customer care... rishte mein to hum tumhare baap lagate hain filhaal ek customer care rep hain...
Customer: (angrily) I NEED YOUR MANAGER
Amithabh: Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere baap ko chor kaha tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne meri maa ko gaali dekar naukri se nikaal diya tha.. Jaao pehle uske manager ko laao jisne mere haath pe yeh likh diya tha... uske baad uske baad mere bhai.. Tum jis manager ko kahoge main laaonga..

Dharmendra: Thank you for callllllliiiiingggg.....
Customer: I need help
Dharmendra: main aaraahoon maa...
Customer: I am unable to use your product... its waste and worthless
Dharmendra: Kutte mein tera khoon peejaaonga..
Customer: What!!! I need your manager
Dharmendra: (To his manager) Manager is customer ke saamne nahi naachna

Shatru : Aaaaaiiin Kis ullllu ke patthe ne call kiya hai...
Customer : How dare you speak like that
Shatru : Khaaaamoshhhhh... seedhi tarah bolde issue kya hai warna... haaaaaaaaa!!!

Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke rep hain..haahhaaa

Kestu Mukherji: Iiiiiihhhhye....
Customer: hi
Kestu Mukherji : iiiihhhyeee tumko ....tumko kya problem hai
Customer : I have not received my product
Kestu Mukherji : To saale (hicup) main kya karoon.. Police mien report likha...

Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera... pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.

Shakti: AAAuuuuuu...mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa...rep hooon..

Mehmood: Ayyo Dyevi ... thank youji for calling ji.. Ayyo
Customer : I am not devi
Mehmood : Ayyo muruga... ye dyevi nai ji ... ye to dyeva hai...

Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Lion ke naam se jaanta hai..... May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit : Mona darling... tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager dedenge to hamein manage kaun karega....

Gabbar : HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ....Jo dargaya wo maraga... batao tumhen kya chahiye
Customer : I want to buy a product from your company
Gabbar: Kitne paise hai re
Customer : $ 10.00
Gabbar: Suvvar Ke baccho ... sirf... $10.00...dhikkaar hai

Prem Chopra: Prem....Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra...
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle

Rajkumar : Jaani ...... Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani.... ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes... otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena... manager humko darasake manager mein itna dum nahi... humse hai manager... manager se hum nahi...

The best one

Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone...

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hinglish zindabad

Quote:

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Orginally posted by canadian808


WHEN YOU MEET FELLOW INDIAN BROTHERS/SISTERS GIVE A SMILE, SAY HELLO, WISH THEM WELL, BLESS THEM............. even if you dont know them or have not mate them before.

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Check for pervert's database here http://www.perverted-justice.com

Quote:

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Orginally posted by transmogrifier

Arey yekdum call chenter ke team, aarey seth sahib, team matlab theme, pe



Asrani: hahhaaaaaaa naya kabutar ne call kiya
Customer: I lost my invoice
Asrani : Hahhaaaaaaaa hamare jasoos kone kone mein phaile hue hain miljayegi hum angrezon ke zamaane ke rep hain..haahhaaa


Bindu: Shabnam naam hai mera... pyar se log shabbo bolte hain..bolo main tumhare kis kaam aasakti hoon.

Shakti: AAAuuuuuu...mera naam hai balllllllllma. Thank you for calling aaauuuuu
Customer: I need your manager
Shakti: Mujhse baat karona.. Main ek chhota sa, nanha sa, pyarasa...rep hooon..


Ajit: Saara shehar mujhe Loin ke naam se jaanta hai..... May I know your name please
Customer : Mona
Ajit : Mona darling... tumne hamein call kyun kiya
Customer : (Angrily) I WANT YOUR MANAGER
Ajit: Mona dear.. Agar hum tumhe hamara manager dedenge to hamein manage kaun karega....

Prem Chopra: Prem....Prem naam hai mera.. Prem chopra...
Customer : I lost my invoice I need one
Prem Chopra: Kar bhalaa to ho bhalaa..jaa apni invoice khud dhoondle

Rajkumar : Jaani ...... Tumhara ye call bahut keemti hai.. Ise cut mat karna
Customer: I lost my invoice
Rajkumar: Jaani.... ye invoice hai.. Bacchon ke khelne ki cheez nahi
Customer : shut up.. I need my invoice sent to me in 10 minutes... otherwise I will speak to your manager
Rajkumar : Dhamki kisi aur ko jaakar dena... manager humko darasake manager mein itna dum nahi... humse hai manager... manager se hum nahi...

The best one

Sharukh: Thank you for kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Customer hung up the phone...

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Check for pervert's database here http://www.perverted-justice.com

Hey BL can you lock this thread? I don't want useless information on here. It reduces the real purpose of this thread.

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I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.
-Socrates-