Posted on: 28-09-04 09:00:43
I would like to narrate an experience I had less than 2 months after landing in Canada.
We had just moved to our own rented apartment and I had gone for a spree collecting household items from the dollar stores etc. nearby. I had two bulky carrier bags (not heavy, but bulky) and was approaching the big intersection at Highway 10 and Kings Street when I saw this old Canadidan man crossing Highway 10 slowly. The lights had changed by the time he reached the other side (in front of Price Chopper and Food Basics) and he was rather shaken up and bewildered. He said to me, "I'm not lost, but I'm lost ; I can't find my bag; I live across that way (points across the street towards King's Street East)." I wasn't thinking clearly at that time, and my instinct told me to help him, as anyone would have done back home in India, since most of us regard older folk like our parents. I asked him if he had an address or telephone number handy; he fumbled in his pockets and took out a card with his name and address and a barrister's number. I called the number on my cell phone to inform them of this guy's plight, and got the voice mail. I left my name and number and a message to call back regarding this guy (Mr. X). I asked him to wait in a safe place and looked around to see if I could ask anyone to give us a ride to drop this guy home, since I had the card with his address. There were no Indians with cars in sight, so I approached this European-looking guy and explained the situation. He refused point blank and said he did not want to take this responsibility. My next impulse was to approach this Indian/Pakistani taxi driver. He agreed to take us in his taxi if we paid. I asked Mr. X if he could pay for a taxi and that I would drop him off home. He readily agreed and took out his wallet. It was full of cash. I told him $5 would do since he lived nearby. He did not have change and gave me $10. I thought of walking him home, but with my carrier bags and his shaky condition, I reckoned the taxi would be better and quicker. He lived at a senior's home just a few blocks away, and the taxi driver seemed to know the address. He dropped us off and said we had to pay $5 (which I thought was excessive since it was just a few blocks) he gave me $5 note as change. Mr. X was very grateful and insisted that I keep the change.
I took Mr. X into the seniors home and tried to explain the above incident at the reception. The receptionist did not allow me to even start and instructed Mr. X to go to the nursing station. I took him to the nursing station where there was a Canadian nurse and 2 Filipino female assistants. I told them I found Mr. X crossing at the intersection and that he seemed lost. The Canadian nurse shook her head and rushed off somewhere. I proceed to explain to the Filipino nurses, and they immediately asked me "Did he tell you anything?" I told them he mentioned he had lost his bag and that he did not know how to get home. They then asked me for my name and I gave them my first name. This was certainly not the reaction I expected, and I was beginning to wonder about the cold attitude of everyone concerned. I told them I was in a hurry to go somewhere and that I just wanted to see that he was safe. I put the $5 back into Mr. X's pocket and turned to leave because by this time my eyes were brimming with tears at the insensitive reaction of these people. I heard Mr. X saying "Thank you Marian, thank you!"
I was cautioned later by my friends never to be a good Samaritan in Canada because this could be a good opportunity for someone to sue you. They said it would be better to just call 911 or just look away because there have been many occasions when people have been sued for doing something like this.
Later that evening, the barrister's office returned my call. I told them it was a wrong number and there must be some mistake.
Is the situation really so bad here? Except for this incident, I had a very good impression about this place. I would appreciate if someone could throw some light on this.
Margo
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The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up - - Paul Valery
Dear Margo
Canada is just a place on earth, where people live. People are fallible as they are gullible, and these days they are selfish too. Attitudes of the people can vary, but the whole country or a city cant be said to have one common attitude - BAD.
Even back in India, we tend to look away on occasions when we think we may get "involved"- but then someone does take time off to help, though most of us chose not to. In this instance it was you.
It cant ever be right to let an old man in trouble be, but then again not everyone would have done what you did. I personally think that what you did was magnificient to say the least.
I am sure you will be getting advice to the contrary (wonder why they have been so late 
). Whatever you hear, just remember you notched a good point on the scoreboard ( which hes keeping up there - you know who )so forty years down the lane when you are lost somewhere near a crossing on Highway 10 rest assured some one will take time off to take you home to your husband who will say " Kitni baar bola hein aapko akele baha nahi jaate hein !!"
And if by chance noones there - give me a call - i'll come by to take you home.
You are a GOOd person - stay that way - never doubt yourself - continue to be that.
Regards
SF
Well I will not say that what you did was wrong, but in this country there are other options that are available to an invidual. Even if you or anyone else had not helped the man, he would have reached home safely. Rather than escorting him home, you should have called 911(if not cell then from a booth or a store whatever) and put this old man on the line with the operator. Escorting people who are not in a position to take care of themselves is not considered right here. It is just like escorting a small child who is lost. You DO NOT escort him/her anywhere!! Remember, here in this land if you are as much as seen with a child that does not know you, it could spell a lot of trouble. Not meaning to say that your intentions were not good, but my advice is to stay out of the way of people you do not know. If you want to help, then do it ONLY by calling the police. Do not take it upon yourself to help any individual yourself!
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wisernow
Thanks Soberflier and Thanks Wiser Now.
I can see that you both are right in your own way. I guess people here are not as trusting or as caring as we are back in India, which perhaps explains why many end up lonely, or in homes, or with only their pets as companions - a very sad scenario.
I wonder whether the old man would have reached home safely if no one had helped him. It was getting dark, and he could have gotten run over or even mugged. Suppose the same thing had happened to an older family member, would we not have wished someone had cared to help? I wonder whether anyone would have even called 911, unless the guy was hit by a car or mugged. I feel the attitude here is much too materialistic and all the grand gestures one reads about seem very lame if people don't care enough to help in more practical ways.
Anyway, I am sadder but wiser now, and life goes on.
Cheers! Margo
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The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up - - Paul Valery
You're right Margo. The attitudes in this country are different than what we have been brought up to have because of the culture in our country. Both countries have crimes, but by and large, you will see that there is quite a big difference in the "nature" of crimes. How many cases have you read about cab drivers getting shot in India? How many cases have you read about a person raping an unknown girl of 10 years and THEN cutting her up into several parts and disposing them in separate bags? How many stores in India get busted by masked and gun wielding assholes? That too in country that has 30 times the population of this country.
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wisernow
One Big advice!
If u r driving and stranger ask u for ride never stop and i would say think twice before giving ride to one whom u know as well!!
Guess wat happen if u involve in an accident?? As u know selfish ppl here will sue u!!
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Quote:
Orginally posted by wisernow
You're right Margo. The attitudes in this country are different than what we have been brought up to have because of the culture in our country. Both countries have crimes, but by and large, you will see that there is quite a big difference in the "nature" of crimes. How many cases have you read about cab drivers getting shot in India? How many cases have you read about a person raping an unknown girl of 10 years and THEN cutting her up into several parts and disposing them in separate bags? How many stores in India get busted by masked and gun wielding assholes? That too in country that has 30 times the population of this country.
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Hi Margo !!
This is what i was talking about !! Practical advice !! Looking the other way is "wiser" is it ? What if it was you who was lost - would you sue someone helping you ? "Baatein badi sari hoti, logic ?"
Hi Wisernow......
The examples which you gave - those are indian, right ? Well cos if you were trying to say that those are things which happen in Canada and not in India i am sorry i couldnt disagree more
For one lets talk about Calcutta( the place of real heritage in India- Rabindra Nath, Vidysagar, Bankim Chandra, Sangeet and treasure trove of culture and "BHADRALOK"
its where i was last stationed in law enforcement, those who are familiar with it will vouch that practically every month theres a cab driver getting killed on the EM Bypass at night besides other things on that road. You are talking of a girl whos 10 years old, well here back in your "home with all its culture" , they are raping girls 7 months old: Ooops yeah who did that - a boy whos 9 years old...wow ! Ofcourse we forget Hetal Parekh 14 years of age a student raped and stabbed 21 times by a security guard Dhanajay Chatterjee 20 years of age then(with a wife at home too) - who was hanged recently. And these are things which strangers are doing - even with all the centuries of "culture" there are parents who are strangling infant daughters after birth (??? save dowry ?? materialistic - you said- well did you account for being materialistic with ones own child ??) there was this case in the newspapers when a girl child was born at night and the nurse thought she saw the mother trying to breast feed it when in reality she was strangling her. There was another one a few weeks back when the mother took her child to the bathroom and drowned the girl in a bucket of water with phenyl disinfectant. There are 100s of cases in Chandigarh of female babies being found wrapped in packets in garbage bins. Those who have read Outlook a few weeks back would know that the male female ration in Punjab has gone down to as much as some 800 women for 1000 males (approximately- i ll post the figures later, i have the magazine somewhere). In some coed schools there are no girls in the classrooms (and that what the cover page picture was of that issue).As what you say that in India its ok to help as everybody helps - Speaking for self, about a year back my parents and wife were taking a train to Delhi from Calcutta when my father collapsed in the platform due to a stroke. There was another train which had pulled up on the adjoining platform and everyone just walked by. I had gone to get coffee for everyone and when i came back, i saw him lying on the ground, with my mother & my wife crying. There were about a dozen people standing and watching but not one was doing anything to help. I had a walkie talkie with me i called the office gypsy to me - being in uniform helped - the driver and me picked up my father and we drove to the hospital. Enroute we got into the famous calcutta traffic jams at four places, i went and spoke to one of the traffic guys who said "mosai ete toh roojer kota" (sir this happens everyday). Anyhow there was an Officer standing closeby whom i had used to meet at a coordination meet in my official meetings then and told him the problem - he spoke on the walkietalkie set to the trafficman controlling the next junction and told him to stop the traffic there after which the traffic where we were was allowed to pass - thanked him and we reached the hospital. My father was in coma for over three days - after which the doctors said that medical help should have been a little earlier as the brain gets choked of oxygen. The story after this is pretty long- he died a few months after- last year. The Calcutta police officer and me became pretty close friends- he would come to meet my dad everyonce in a while when he was inhospital and after his discharge- though often dad would not recognise him - though i have left Calcutta we meet when we can. I attended his daughters marriage in Feburary. Though its "asubh" - ill omen or something - my fathers shradh was in Feburary too which both he and his family attended despite a new marriage. A perfect stranger who i whom never met, now this.
Margo i just wish that there had been a single person like you in that 3000 strong crowd on the platform who just passed by- each one being practical - each not wanting to get involved - each of the cultured indians wanting to get back home into his wife's or childrens arms till one day when he would also lay there dying and others would walk by.
There are always other options - even in India you have CAT services - centralised accident & trauma services - how many actually know of these ? Cos we never bothered to - cos most of us have made it a firm belief in our minds that we will never help ( be it India or anywhere else). So when everyone wants to leave it to other options the old man justs keeps standing there - for the other option. Why cant you be the option.
Thankfully there will be always be people who will help. Thank God for them. For them the society survives though the word samaritan gets used more by way of looking up in the dictionary rather than in everyday life. Pity.
People who walk away from a person needing help would sure make great neighbours - great attitude, such people have the most awful of attitudes - what do you say Margo - you would just love to stay next door to such a nice man - who when he sees your son crying on the door cos mamma is away wont give him a sandwich and make him watch TV and then tell you to not worry, but instead call 911 or if there are some boys misbehaving with you - he wont go to help but call 911 (if hes got time cos they might ask who he is - aaahh why get bothered- India thodi hein !!)
Margo - DONT ever one moment doubt what you did. If we all are to walk by- what does that make us ?
The rest of you - Please dont think "its great back home" - its every bit as bad as the place where you are now - crime is not country specific - its mind based - sick minds are everywhere -and if you feel like knowing more go through the online newspapers.
What you said about people being lonely and in homes - i would prefer that anyday (atleast it is dignified) than be thrown off like old furniture in a house - i guess you havent seen the homes run by "missionaries of charity" in all cities - where there are old aged feeble people who have been made to sign away their homes by their own children and left at these places - your heart wrench at seeing such gentle peole who have cared for their children - walked them, cared for them, cleaned the devil's potty, fed him & what not - we used to go and visit such a couple everymonth when we were in Calcutta - till they died in 2001 a few months apart. The son incidentally is a IAS cadre and now in Orissa. I am sure the same fate awaits him - after all thats what his children would learn - hey its ok to throw away the old Dad- after all he did it to his and then darling we can enjoy alone.
Though what smartguy says makes sense.
Margo, suppose you were to look away from a situation where a crime is being committed or when a person needs assistance then apart from the fact that you may not be commiting the act with your own hands, what difference does it leave between you and the person whos doing the act ? Doesnt speak great about "our culture" - does it ? Though if we choose to do that (look away and walk off) then we also have no right to bash the others for lack of culture if we ourselves display none - lets plain say i was scared so i walked away and i hope that i dont ever need help (cos GOD help you if you ever did).
I guess our culture ends (like a power switch being turned off while eaving "HOME"
when you are out of India - i guess you would do the same when you are walking with your children- so that they too learn the "indian heritage and culture" - that its ok to leave an ailing person be on the road and then come home, sip coke and say "shucks i would have helped the bugger had it been in India". If so the i would say - lets have less of missing home & India stuff and cursing Canada on this site- after all you are adapting to "evil" Canada quite well. In a few years you would be just like them
.Regards
SF
Hey Margo - i'll give you my telephone number when i come over Okay ? Smile
Try and read the readers digest India of September - theres an article in the first few pages of some who helped whne he didint have to.
Sorry if there have been too many spellings mistakes etc - i was sort of thinkinga and typing fast - gotta get to the office, bye
