Posted on: 05-10-05 09:51:15
This is to tell my experience in Toronto after 6 months of immigration.
I had left Toronto on March 17 for Dubai to continue with my work leaving my wife and one year old son alone. It was pre-planned with an aim to join them permanently in August ’05.
In the mean time my wife changed the apartment from Etobicoke to Eglinton West and tried for some decent jobs. But keeping an one year old in Day care and working in Toronto a bit difficult as faced by my wife. She got couple of jobs, mainly cashier, receptionist but every time she started to work, my son was becoming sick and day care refused to take them as other kids might get infected and as a mom it was always a difficult choice for her to go for work and not to stay with our sick baby. If I remember well She quit at least 3 jobs after working for couple of days, so was the irony of fate.
At this time we had two choice, either to stay as housewife and look after our baby or to keep him in her native country, where everyone anxiously waiting for this little guy to take care of. Of course there was a third choice to sponsor some one as live in care giver from within the family. But third choice was bit difficult as my wife is not working there, and I am working outside of Canada. So after all pros and cons she decided for second option and it was also good for our baby as her native country is a beautiful place for the kids to grow up and he never felt sick over there, not for a single day.
So, my wife kept all the emotions with her, left her beloved to her home land and came back in mid July. She started to attend all the programs offered by hrdc and appeared for all the interviews as come by. She was determined not to take any blue colour job, and after 3 weeks she got the offer from a reputed bank, since she never worked in a financial institution she was afraid of the kind of work. But at present it seems she is enjoying her job, got her unsecured credit card from CIBC and planning to give me a supplementary card as well 
. But missing is our son still from Toronto.
In the mean time I resigned from my Company in Dubai with one month notice in July end and mid of Aug I got the heart breaking news that my mom has been detected with lung cancer. My dad who stays in Kolkata, tried to give her the best treatment in Tata Research Centre, Mumbai. But it was costly affair (around 2000 USD per month till chemotherapy ends). To meet the expense I needed to continue working in ME. But I don’t like to negotiate with the company I resigned, as it’s a matter of principle. Luckily with my past contact I got a lucrative offer in KSA and I accepted the offer though I was afraid of the place, but without any choice. Instead going to Canada, I left for India for 1 month to stay with my Mom for the treatment, and at the first week of September I came to Canada to meet my wife. Only missing our son, thanks Skype that we can see him time to time at least.
In September beginning there was fantastic weather in Toronto, so we enjoyed all part ....CNE centre, air show, Niagara falls, beach volley ball, basket ball and lot more but missing was our little boy.
I joined in my new office in Riyadh on Sept.22.2005, I was bit panicky when landed but now I can say there is nothing to Panic, this place is different from what I heard. So far, I have never faced any problem, or questioning, even local women are moving alone without there face covered, which was a sin before. But this place be never like Dubai or Toronto though.
Now it is important to bring our son ASAP as my wife, though strong enough started suffering emotionally. So we plan to sponsor one of her niece as PR and to bring our son in Toronto along with her. I hope this plan will be successful and if not we are working on back up plan as by January I like to see my son in Toronto during my next vacation otherwise there will be an emotional disaster 
, please help me God.
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New Guy
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We can always do better!
Dont worry! Things will work out fine! I have been in a similar situation like your wife. It is heart breaking.Someday, you have to decide, whether it is all worth, leaving your son in India, the family of 3 in three different places, etc, etc. We all have choices! Unless it is absolutely necessary, atleast mother and son should be in one place!
Anyway, all the best.
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HOPE
I would recommend your wife staying in India with your kid & she can be a help to your mother as well.
She has got PR card so she can stay out of Canada for sometime. This way the emotional problems can be avoided. Subsequently if you all decide to come to Canada, you can come together.
Thanks & regards.
Rajan.
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Let's make India a better place !
Rajan is right.. I see ABSOLUTELY NO REASON for your wife to remain in Toronto with your kid being in India and you being well employed. Your kid will forget both of you and it will be HEARTBREAKING when your wife tries to win back your kid's love.
My relative did the same thing...She left her 1 year old with her parents while she completed her M.D. I was there when she came to pick up her kid after 6 months. The kid REFUSED to come to her. He ran away from his grandmother and went and hid inside a dark closet. He wouldn't come out until his mother had left the room. I heard later that it took more than six months before he finally started calling her "mom". He CONTINUES to have behavioural problems. DON'T PLAY WITH YOUR KID'S LIFE.
You have three years time to come back and settle in Canada. Hopefully then you can settle in as a FAMILY.
I did the same thing with my second child.But we were in different cities in India. But, even after long seperation my child was coming to me. Only thing was, when night came he wanted to go back to his Grandma. It was heart-breaking for my parents,my child and for me. Finally, my husband and I decided, that it was our duty, as the parents, to take care of our kid. So, I gave up a very good job.But, being with my kids was more rewarding.
I never regretted my decision even once.Afterall, money is not everything and I was not trying to prove myself to anyone.
Quote:
Orginally posted by NorthYorkDesi
My relative did the same thing...She left her 1 year old with her parents while she completed her M.D. I was there when she came to pick up her kid after 6 months. The kid REFUSED to come to her. He ran away from his grandmother and went and hid inside a dark closet. He wouldn't come out until his mother had left the room. I heard later that it took more than six months before he finally started calling her "mom". He CONTINUES to have behavioural problems. DON'T PLAY WITH YOUR KID'S LIFE.
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HOPE
Quote:
Orginally posted by NorthYorkDesi
Rajan is right.. I see ABSOLUTELY NO REASON for your wife to remain in Toronto with your kid being in India and you being well employed. Your kid will forget both of you and it will be HEARTBREAKING when your wife tries to win back your kid's love.
My relative did the same thing...She left her 1 year old with her parents while she completed her M.D. I was there when she came to pick up her kid after 6 months. The kid REFUSED to come to her. He ran away from his grandmother and went and hid inside a dark closet. He wouldn't come out until his mother had left the room. I heard later that it took more than six months before he finally started calling her "mom". He CONTINUES to have behavioural problems. DON'T PLAY WITH YOUR KID'S LIFE.
You have three years time to come back and settle in Canada. Hopefully then you can settle in as a FAMILY.
I agree with your thaughts. Why would somebody leave child with grandparents and satisfy personal aims (I use this word, what else would you call this arrangement). I know couple of people in Canada, who have despatched their children to India and have themselves stayed back in Canada to get citizenship. I would always wonder what my thinking had been if my parents had left me far away from them..........
I can't imagine having kids if I do not have guts to manage with them in any situation.......sad!!!! All damn reasons are BS for me....a mother or father cannot take care of their own children...what BS!!!....I would get my niece for all good things and not for taking care of my Child......promoting child labor or what????
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Hi Folks, thanx a lot for all those advices, but I have to stand by my wife's decision, and since she is not Indian I could have lost both my wife and son easily if I don't stand by her unlike Indian family 
But I guess she took a right decision as immigration is a permanent choice where my work though permanent right now, but one day or other I have to quit once my 3 years window to stay outside Canada will be over. So she decided that if she get a good job in Toronto within couple of months she will stay back and if not she will join me with our son who will be two years old by next January. She succeeded to get a job of her choice where she can make her career.
My son will be back by January, why I am so sure don't ask me, and he will be back with one of her relatives who can be look after my son as well as settling down in Toronto.
My wife had all the options but she chose what is best for her and our son and I agreed to it after all she shall be encouraged while staying alone in Toronto.
If you guys look beyond the desi community you will find how people from other communities are getting PR card within 6 months time, some are getting social assistance of 1500 C$ plus cash jobs without tax and leasing house to rent others. I don't talk about case of deceptions but some cases are so manupulative that someone's intention to bring the whole family in toronto to avoid nostalgia was absolutely successful.
We keep our son in her home country for a secondary purpose as well, i.e. to bring her relatives in Toronto and we sacrifice a bit for a greater cause, yes we need to be manipulative in this case and when my son will be 3 years old an started understanding bits and pieces we all be there with him and no emotional strain no further. Ofcourse I am not sure whether I will retain this lucrative job or retain my residency at this stage, but one step at a time. May God bless us!
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New Guy
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We can always do better!
